Sex After Breast Cancer: Survivors Confess What Really Changes

One reason breast cancer is so traumatic is because its impact on a woman’s sense of femininity and self-image. A 2016 study in Journal of Breast Health found that women most commonly associated their breasts with femininity, beauty, and motherhood, and after a mastectomy many said that they felt like they were missing half of themselves.

It’s not surprising that many participants also noted their relationships with their partners had also changed during and after breast cancer treatment. Here, seven women interviewed by HealthiNation describe how their body image and sex lives changed—and in some cases, for the better.

“I wanted sex more than ever”

“I didn’t have as much sex as I had until the year I was diagnosed because I was so afraid that I was going to feel so sick that I wanted to have as much pleasure as I could. And yes, sex after breast cancer is taboo. There are doctors that will not talk about it.”
—Christine, diagnosed at 42

Doctors might not address it

“My doctors didn’t really get into sex life and how it would be after surgery and after my treatment. Going into the shower for the first time—I sat and cried.”
—Alyssa, diagnosed at 23

Not getting answers? Get new doctors

“Knowledge is power, and if you don’t feel that your doctors are answering the questions that you need, then you either need to get new doctors or do some research or speak to people who’ve had it done.”
—Nicole, diagnosed at 36

You’ll want to avoid the mirrors

“I remember thinking through, like, ‘I’m going to have to get into the shower and sort of face this way so I don’t see the mirror in my bathroom because who wants to look at scars?’”
—Sally, diagnosed at 40

It takes a special love

“There was a reason that my marriage fell away. Being newly married, when you are in a chemo-induced menopause...you feel inadequate. Giving yourself to your husband or your partner is a difficult thing. It’s very challenging, and it takes a special person and a special love to look past that.”
—Theresa, diagnosed at 44

Something to explore

“The first time I saw the scars was hard. It doesn’t feel like your body. You can lose the erogenous areas of your body, and that’s a real thing. It’s real for you, it’s real for your partner, it’s something to explore. It’s not an end. It’s just a new exploration.”
—Lisa, diagnosed at 46

Your new body is an adjustment

“This is not my body. This is not what I was hoping for. I gained weight from chemo, so I’m heavier and I don’t have my actual boobs. I don’t have nipples. I have scars all over my chest.”
—Rosanna, diagnosed at 31

Make your partner feel included

“They love you and they don’t know what to do. Make them a part of it and make them feel included, and I think that is a healthy way to move forward.”
—Theresa, diagnosed at 40

A very special thanks to Susan G. Komen Greater New York City.