Signs a Caregiver Needs a Break (+ How to Get It)

You can’t provide the best care if your tank is empty.

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Caregiving can be a difficult role, but ironically, one of the most difficult tasks might be allowing yourself to take a break. You may feel like a little R&R would be “selfish,” or you may worry about how your loved one will fare in your absence, no matter how brief.

“I often hear caregivers say that they feel guilty if they take care of themselves or they take time out for themselves when caring for a loved one with a serious illness,” says Nathan E. Goldstein, MD, palliative care specialist at Mount Sinai Beth Israel.

That said, giving yourself a break—regularly—might be one of the most important things you can do as a caregiver for your loved one. “If you don’t take care of yourself, you’re definitely not going to be able to take care of your loved one,” says Dr. Goldstein.  

Overworking yourself could take a toll on your physical and mental health, and the accumulated stress could lead to caregiver burnout. When you feel like you can’t meet the constant demands of caring for someone with a medical condition, you might start to lose interest and motivation in your caregiver role.

It’s recommended to give yourself regular breaks from the get-go (even if you don’t necessarily feel like you “need” one)  in order to prevent caregiver stress from building up. “If you’re giving 100 percent all the time, at a certain point, you just may not be able to give as much anymore,” says Dr. Goldstein.

However, if you notice these signs of caregiver burnout, it’s time to take your health seriously and give yourself a well-deserved break:

  • Feeling “trapped” or hopeless
  • Losing patience or compassion for your loved one
  • Overreacting to small accidents
  • Resenting or neglecting your loved one
  • Withdrawing from your personal hobbies and friendships
  • Oversleeping or not sleeping enough
  • Overeating, not eating enough, or eating a lot of high-sugar foods
  • Having health problems
  • Abusing drugs or alcohol
  • Having thoughts of suicide

How to Get Caregiver Breaks

Allowing yourself breaks is an important step, but getting a break is another battle for some caregivers. If your loved one requires constant care, a break requires more logistical planning.

Delegate tasks to loved ones. If possible, ask family and friends to fill in occasionally. Even short breaks—an hour or two—can give you time to squeeze in a yoga class, dentist appointment, or coffee break with a friend. Coordinate a schedule with willing family members to ensure you have regular “me time” throughout the week. Don’t live near family? Try to seek out trustworthy neighbors or volunteers.

Get assistance for everyday tasks. Another way to ease caregiver stress is to hire professionals to clean, do laundry, cook, or run errands. You might find that these are a good investment if they help lighten your heavy load and reduce stress.

Seek professional caregiver help. Professional care services, like adult day centers, are available and can be very helpful for caregivers. These centers provide daytime care so that caregivers can get breaks or even continue their regular employment. Most adult day centers offer exercise and artistic activities in a social environment, and some even offer counseling or physical, occupational, or speech therapy. Alternatively, you can hire in-home health aides or companions, who are trained to work in these situations and can provide a helping hand when you need a break.

If you are in need of a longer break or vacation and it is not possible for a friend or family member to fill in for you, look for respite care options like overnight residential care facilities. These can provide a safe environment that would allow you to enjoy your break without worrying about your loved one.